Love.......unplugged

Few days ago I was discussing with my friends about the beauty of Love which we perceived as a school-kid; and how it differed from the understanding of love which we have now. Love at that time used to be a source of pleasure for the mind and soul. It had a feeling of excitement along with it, a feeling of triumph, of ecstasy, sheer bliss and purity. One cannot deny that this form of love is really pure and innocent.

‘Catching a glimpse of your loved one was enough to make your day. Seeing your loved one approaching you would give you raucous palpitations. Catching a whiff of her scent would give you a heady hangover. You would always dream of being together yet never had enough courage to talk to her. And if someday she talked to you, or just smiled at you, you almost had a heart-attack and your subsequent behavior entitled you to be easily labeled as a maniac.’

Such was the excitement it carried with it. Such was the beauty, such was the grace, and such was the innocence of this love.

As the years passed, and our understanding of love matured, the word ‘Love’ held a different meaning to us. It was more about compatibility, about understanding, about developing a rapport. In a way, it was more about the brain and less about the heart. And I was no different. Love was more like a calculated move to me rather than an instant call from the subconscious. And I tried really hard to decipher this encryption called ‘Love’, but the more I struggled, the more confused I became. So I consoled myself by saying to me that Love is not a thing to be understood by the brain, but it is a thing to be felt by the heart. But I didn’t really understand the true meaning of my statement until this incident happened.

I was in a supermarket buying stuff, pushing a cartful of goodies. As I turned around a corner, I saw a beautiful face. She was my childhood sweetheart. My heart raced like mad and started pounding the chest wall vigorously. I don’t know what went over me; probably a mixed emotion of excitement, coy, nervousness, fear and pleasure. I was nervous, but couldn’t hold back my smile. As adrenaline surged into my system, my fight or flight response was activated. And I chose to flee. Yes, on seeing her, immediately I slipped into the adjoining room. I needed to breathe. After few moments, I gained my courage and very cautiously went past her, to the other side of the hall, making sure I don’t catch a glance. After I felt I was safe, I sheepishly took a glimpse of her. By God, she was beautiful!!! Absolutely stunning; drop dead gorgeous. She was a stand-out in a crowd.

“You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw your face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you…..”

I was overwhelmed with excitement. Now, I couldn’t just wait there for long. I had to leave the hall. And now she was standing there at the doorway. After gathering a lot of courage, I went by her, throwing a glance or two, with a nervous smile on my face. I don’t know whether she noticed me or not, but her face seemed flushed. Anyways, our eyes didn’t meet.

As I went outside, I was very happy and excited, and did not regret even for a single moment that I couldn’t talk to her. And precisely this excitement was for two reasons. The most important reason cannot be explained. It is the pleasure you get on seeing someone you have longed for. It is the pleasure you get on seeing your loved ones after a long time. It is the pleasure you get on achieving something which you have desired for. I felt a similar pleasure. My conscious mind was not able to explain why I felt so, but felt, aye, I did. And it was enthralling, pure bliss. The second reason why I was happy was because after a long gap of years did my heart beat so fast on seeing someone. Now, that’s quite a funny reason to be happy about, but somehow, I felt that I still have that child’s heart beating inside me, which knows how to love, pure.

This incident made me realize the true nature of Love. And the kind of feelings it evoked can’t be nullified by classifying it as attraction or infatuation. I was happier to catch a glimpse of her secretively than to walk upfront and talk to her... And I would like to say just one thing, I don’t know what love is, but certainly it can’t be more blissful than this…….

“..…Darr lagta hai ishq karne mein ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Thoda kaccha hai ji
Haan dil to baccha hai ji”

India Awakening!!

My sleep was broken with a jostle. The wall clock was showing 5:00 am. The sleep was still lingering on, but it was difficult to doze off again. So, I decided to leave the bed. But, it's not very easy to wake 3 hours before the scheduled time of your classes. What to do? Study......nah, too boring and there is a risk of falling asleep again. So, I decided to go for a jog. Wow, I was putting on my sneakers after along long time. I felt nostalgic. The early morning atmosphere in BHU is splendid. So many people are here, walking, jogging, stretching and doing other forms of exercises including serious sports like Lawn-Tennis, Squash, Basketball, Swimming etc. So, I also joined my fellow comrades of people who strived to be fit and to inculcate the habit of rising early morning. I felt tired as I was totally out of shape. I started having chest pain. So I slowed down. I neared the Vishwanath Temple in our campus. Being the month of 'Shravan', it was thronged by devotees and 'kanwariyas'. I gave a bow to the Almighty Lord and continued with my journey back to my hostel. But the very next moment gave me immense pleasure and gave a pleasurable memory to attach with this venture. I overheard a 'kanwariya' talking to his 2yr old daughter in the local dialect. He said," Pray to Lord, O dear daughter. Pray to him and ask him to bestow upon you knowledge. Pray to him so that you can study really well and far, unhindered. Pray to him so that you become big and successful in your life." The man seemed to belong to a low socio-economic class and most people belonging to this class, and especially in eastern U.P.(rest of India is far from different), are indifferent towards a girl child, and especially in the matters of their education. It was a great relief and great pleasure to hear those words. India is changing. India is finally waking up from its slumber. What we Indians must do is stop criticising the bad things and focus on the good things. As, we can't expect overnight changes. But aye, we must strive ourself and encourage who are doing so. Proud to be an Indian...........

LOVE- The Eternal Mystery

The basic instincts of love start blossoming from the very early years of one’s life. And the situation hardly changes over time as one attains maturity, as love, in its purest form, is as pious as a kid’s heart and is not even touched by the years of lust and greed and selfishness spent and acknowledged by the person. A very interesting incident which incited this thought process in my mind happened in my mother’s music class. Three kids, Shubh, Sidhart and Arpita, seven, five and three years old respectively, were playfully engaged. What I initially observed that Arpita showed signs of interest towards Sidhart, who was, apart from the fact that he was sitting next to her, was by far much smart and handsome as compared to Shubh. This guy was fair, intelligent and talked smartly. The lady was very easily attracted to this lad and wanted to start a conversation. The guy talked, very casually, not taking much interest. The lady was apparently happy, but somehow, her face showed signs of being disheartened, being incomplete. Some moments later, Shubh joined the gang and then ensued a joyous event for the girl as he was very caring and was affectionate towards the girl. The girl started developing a liking for this guy.
Although all three of them were playing together, the girl showed bonding with Shubh. The girl changed. Yes, she used to be a very shy girl and seldom used to talk and used to sit all alone, very quiet. But now she was talking, chirping vehemently like a tweety, making quite a noise. A noise, which arose out of happiness. And Shubh too enjoyed her company. But the noise( happiness) of the girl was quite disturbing to the class and I(external agent/parents/situation) made them part. Yes, I made Shubh sit alone at a far corner of the room. Shubh, sat there, constantly staring at the girl, recollecting the happy moments, cursing me, and trying somehow to maintain a communication. The girl however sat alone, dejected, and didn’t try to remain in contact with Shubh( probably a ‘Fear Factor’ played an important role in this peculiar behavior; was the girl’s behavior forced?). Few moments later, after getting tired of her solitude(or was it to divert her thoughts to better and acceptable things in life?) she started getting involved with Sidhart, who was somehow reciprocating sometimes, but shoving her aside sometimes, but things were not the way they were with Shubh. After some playful moments, Sidhart abandoned her and went to sit beside Shubh. They talked merrily, not reflecting a bit about the tiff caused by a girl in between them. But still, Shubh longed for Arpita, though it was difficult to ascertain what went in Arpita’s mind as she became the ever quiet Arpita again. Sidhart’s dad came to pick him up. He went away, happily forgetting all that he had left behind, a broken heart and ever-longing eyes! Few moments later, Mother(Divine Intervention/good luck/God’s grace) asked Shubh to drop Arpita home( a chance for Arpita and Shubh to be close again, but this time the scenario being totally different, spatially and temporally) On their way, Arpita resisted and persistently insisted that she should be left alone. But Shubh’s perseverance paid, and after lot of shoving and pushing, they finally went together, hand in hand…….

The story seems too much like a present day romantic movie. But a lot of sincere and consistent facts come out if we carefully dissect the story and mould it to our day to day lives. There isn’t any vantage point to this situation, so, it’s better to analyze it in three different perspectives.

Starting with Sidhart, the evergreen playboy. Yes, undoubtedly he’s the one. Girls flock around him all the times and luring a girl is no Greek or Latin for him. There are many Sidharts in around us, the charm factor varying among different individuals. But all can be collectively labeled as playboys. And girls always get to them(they really need not work!), they are involved in multiple flings, but at the end of the day, they break many a heart, and end up themselves lonely. Yes, generally these persons don’t end up with the best they had procured, rather their family/love life ends up either in a compromise, or in solitude. He is always so puzzled with the term ‘Love’ that he keeps distance from it. So, for many of us Love is so easy to comprehend, but for him, it is tougher than rocket science!!
And there’s the sincere and honest lover, Shubh. He never gets the first notice, as he is an average guy, but with a heart of gold. He honestly loves and sticks to one girl. He understands love inside out. It takes him some effort to make his presence noticed. But once he is there, everyone, or at least the girl concerned knows that ‘he loveth best’. But situations aren’t always conducive to his fore. He faces difficulties in form of resistance from parents, or change of place due to some events in life and somehow he is no longer able to be in contact with his girl. They get separated. Some unlucky ones end their lives here, some are killed(honour-killings), some accept life as it is. But only very few move on with life, with the lamp of love still burning in their heart, waiting for some divine intervention to make them face to face again in life. Some lucky ones do get that boon, some perish soon. Some even don’t get the rough phase at all, but they are really difficult to find and most fortunate to be. But what is common in them that all these ‘Shubhs’ love sincerely, and keep loving till the end, and keep trying and even if they meet after say 40 years, the flame of love still burns in their heart enlightening their mind with hope. Some are lucky, some are not, and that probably has to do with their intensity of love. Something similar to the adage from the SRK starrer, Om Shanti Om,” kisi cheez ko pure dil se chaaho to saari kayenaat tumhe usse milane mein lag jati hai".
And there’s always the sufferer, call her Sita, call her Draupadi, call her Kunti, call her Sati or call her Arpita, she is all the same. Happy, she is never meant to be, at least not throughout. And it is because she is so complex, that it is impossible for us to understand her, what makes her really happy, what really does she like, whom truly does she desire? All we can make are mere speculations. At moment she seems happy with Sidhart, at some moment she is happy with Shubh, she sometimes longs for them in separation and sometimes completely evacuates her mind of any traces of them. She is the very complex woman that resides is every female form we encounter in our lives. And she is the one and the same, there are no extremes of Shubh and Sidhart in her case, she is both of them and yet she is none. We merely classify her according to our viewpoints and perspective, but she is the same inside, manifesting differently on the surface. And we can never fathom the depths of the ocean in her mind and heart. And thus we can never understand what truly a woman is…

GOING HOME

The excitement of going home has always been high on my part. I have been in hostel for the past four years, and yet the thought of going home creates similar sparks in my mind as it used to 4 years back. Before I came to live in hostel for my undergraduate course, I seldom did stay without my parents. Perhaps an occasional visit to my uncle, or the Astronomy Olympiad, just few specific occasions worth remembering. Initially I was quite apprehensive about my stay in hostel, but I didn’t have any other option. But, what I eagerly awaited was the vacations, and I used to rush home at every little chance I got. What surprised me the most was the fact that many of my batch mates didn’t associate pleasure with vacations. For them, vacations symbolized boredom. It was because they didn’t have much to do at their home. For them going home meant spending lazy afternoons watching TV. For them home meant no play, no fun, and no chit chats with friends……plain boredom. But that was definitely not my case. And it was mostly because I had spent my life as a kid beside my mother. I wasn’t the outgoing kind of guy. I was rather a shy guy who used to spend his whole day inside the small house. You can very well call me an introvert. So majority of my time was spent with my mother. My mother and I share a great rapport which seldom kids share nowadays. I was the only friend to my mother and so was she. We used to talk throughout the day. We talked about everything in life. It mostly revolved around our family, about human psychology, about theology, about her feelings, about my feelings, about relationships, about music and anything under the roof. And these small talks laid the great foundation of my character. These small chit chats helped me grow as a person. These talks helped me understand human nature. These talks helped me embrace life as it is. The importance of the talk was not just to me, it was equally important to mother as well. I was her counselor and whenever in doubt, she used to take my advice. This not only boosted her morale but also helped in building up my confidence in decision making. We still talk for hours over the phone and she still seeks my advice on important matters and I still ask her for guidance when in doubt. And I’m still very excited by the sheer fact that I am bound home.