Love.......unplugged

Few days ago I was discussing with my friends about the beauty of Love which we perceived as a school-kid; and how it differed from the understanding of love which we have now. Love at that time used to be a source of pleasure for the mind and soul. It had a feeling of excitement along with it, a feeling of triumph, of ecstasy, sheer bliss and purity. One cannot deny that this form of love is really pure and innocent.

‘Catching a glimpse of your loved one was enough to make your day. Seeing your loved one approaching you would give you raucous palpitations. Catching a whiff of her scent would give you a heady hangover. You would always dream of being together yet never had enough courage to talk to her. And if someday she talked to you, or just smiled at you, you almost had a heart-attack and your subsequent behavior entitled you to be easily labeled as a maniac.’

Such was the excitement it carried with it. Such was the beauty, such was the grace, and such was the innocence of this love.

As the years passed, and our understanding of love matured, the word ‘Love’ held a different meaning to us. It was more about compatibility, about understanding, about developing a rapport. In a way, it was more about the brain and less about the heart. And I was no different. Love was more like a calculated move to me rather than an instant call from the subconscious. And I tried really hard to decipher this encryption called ‘Love’, but the more I struggled, the more confused I became. So I consoled myself by saying to me that Love is not a thing to be understood by the brain, but it is a thing to be felt by the heart. But I didn’t really understand the true meaning of my statement until this incident happened.

I was in a supermarket buying stuff, pushing a cartful of goodies. As I turned around a corner, I saw a beautiful face. She was my childhood sweetheart. My heart raced like mad and started pounding the chest wall vigorously. I don’t know what went over me; probably a mixed emotion of excitement, coy, nervousness, fear and pleasure. I was nervous, but couldn’t hold back my smile. As adrenaline surged into my system, my fight or flight response was activated. And I chose to flee. Yes, on seeing her, immediately I slipped into the adjoining room. I needed to breathe. After few moments, I gained my courage and very cautiously went past her, to the other side of the hall, making sure I don’t catch a glance. After I felt I was safe, I sheepishly took a glimpse of her. By God, she was beautiful!!! Absolutely stunning; drop dead gorgeous. She was a stand-out in a crowd.

“You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw your face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you…..”

I was overwhelmed with excitement. Now, I couldn’t just wait there for long. I had to leave the hall. And now she was standing there at the doorway. After gathering a lot of courage, I went by her, throwing a glance or two, with a nervous smile on my face. I don’t know whether she noticed me or not, but her face seemed flushed. Anyways, our eyes didn’t meet.

As I went outside, I was very happy and excited, and did not regret even for a single moment that I couldn’t talk to her. And precisely this excitement was for two reasons. The most important reason cannot be explained. It is the pleasure you get on seeing someone you have longed for. It is the pleasure you get on seeing your loved ones after a long time. It is the pleasure you get on achieving something which you have desired for. I felt a similar pleasure. My conscious mind was not able to explain why I felt so, but felt, aye, I did. And it was enthralling, pure bliss. The second reason why I was happy was because after a long gap of years did my heart beat so fast on seeing someone. Now, that’s quite a funny reason to be happy about, but somehow, I felt that I still have that child’s heart beating inside me, which knows how to love, pure.

This incident made me realize the true nature of Love. And the kind of feelings it evoked can’t be nullified by classifying it as attraction or infatuation. I was happier to catch a glimpse of her secretively than to walk upfront and talk to her... And I would like to say just one thing, I don’t know what love is, but certainly it can’t be more blissful than this…….

“..…Darr lagta hai ishq karne mein ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Thoda kaccha hai ji
Haan dil to baccha hai ji”